Full Metal Jousting: Episode 5 “Hits Like A Truck”

We are at the half way point of Full Metal Jousting. This week focuses more on the competitors and less on the practice. We get to see some Monty Python-esqe tomfoolery and a scene stratght out of Blazing Saddles!

Episode 5: ‘Hits Like A truck’

Matt is celebrating his victory and applauds John for jousting on a horse he has never ridden.

Over in the Red Team locker room Coach Ripper apologizes to John for Praetorian. John is upset with the joust and that he wasn’t able to connect with his horse.

Knights That Play Spoons
Before leaving the locker room several jousters decided they haven’t had enough time in the armor. So they suited up, then headed back to their living area to play cards. I thought this scene was pretty amusing. I can see this playing out centuries ago. Knights preparing for battle, trying to pass the night away by playing cards and drinking ale. Some things never change… It certainly helped the camaraderie in the house if nothing else.

The next morning Shane is in the stables and Mike Edwards arrives to talk. Mike tells Shane that he hasn’t been a positive member of the team since his lose and is thinking of quitting the show. Shane’s talk motivates him and Mike decides that he will stick it out.

Red Team Practice
Coach Ripper approaches James, who suffered a concussion, and tells him that he is cleared to ride without armor. Shane welcomes the red team to the practice field. He tells them they are all starting to consistently hit the grand gaurd but now they need to work on their accuracy to hit the sweet spot, high and near the neck. He intorduces the ring-tilt, an exercise where the jousters must spear a 2-inch ring with the tip of the lance. Shane explains that the knights of old would race in a circle trying to get the ring and that is where the term carousel comes from.

History Alert:
“Tilting of the ring” as it was called was very popular in England and Continental Europe during the 17th century. The “tilting of the ring’ is actually one of the exercises that falls into the quintain practice. During the 17th century the joust was falling out of favor and replaced with a show of skill that didn’t involve physical contact. One of the skills was lance accuracy, proven by who could spear the most rings.

The carousel was a training device for the ring-tilt. A rider would mount a wooden horse supported by a pole and a horse would turn the carousel as the jouster tried to spear the rings. In the 17th century the term carousel also referred to a horse ballet, a large display of horses that moved in a circle.

The clear winner of the ring-tilt was John Stikes, the loser of last weeks joust. David Prewitt had the most trouble with his lance control and accuracy.

Black Team Practice
The Black Team is lined up for practice, there is a disruption in the line and Coach Rod looks over and says, “What was that? Did you just punch the horse in the $^#% head?” Mongo Landon says the horse stepped on his foot and he had to act fast. Coach Rod says it is one of the “stupidest things he has ever seen.”

Landon is waiting in the stables and Coach Rod, Coach Ripper and Shane walk in. Shane tells him that he has a zero tolerance policy when it comes to his horses and all horses. He tells Landon that he is not a professional and still has some growng up to do. Landon remains silent. Shane tells him because of his zero tolerance policy Landon will be removed from the show.

Landon stands and tells them that he has no regrets for what he did and would do it again. Shane gets upset and heated words are exchanged, coach Rod moves between them to avoid any physical altercation. Shane walks out, Coach Rod tells Landon to seat down, says “I got nothing” and walks out.

Shane and the coaches meet with the remaining competitors and tell them about Landon’s removal. Shane reminds them of his policy toward the horses. And now we have the four eliminated jousters set to reenter the game. Shane tells the teams that he and the coaches will decide which jouster will replace Landon.

Jousting Match-Up
Before the picks Shane tells them that after much deliberation Joe McKinley will be back in the competition. It makes completely sense after his epic joust with Josh Avery.

With the Black Teams win last week they are in control of the joust. Coach Rod picks Rope Myers for the Black Team and David Prewitt for the Red Team. David is confident that he can beat Rope and it will be a big upset. Rope believes his superior riding ability will win the day. The coaches meet Shane in the stables to pick the horses.

Final Practice
The jousters are taking passes with each other and Josh K. faces Joe. They both deliver a massive hit and unhorse each other. Josh falls on his face and is dragged down the list by his horse. Joe fares a little better but still takes a hard landing.

Rope was having an extreme amount of difficulty riding Praetorian. It is clear that the horse is in charge and not Rope. Coach Rod decides to swap horses and puts him on Superman. Shane thinks that is a terrible idea. Throughout the day things keep getting worse. However Rope isn’t demoralizing, he says that he will work on it and come out strong tomorrow.

David and his teammates are talking about the joust and he is excited to joust Rope.

During practice David is still having lance control problems. Coach Ripper says that if he can control the lance he will hit hard. David improves as the day goes on and is even more confident going into the joust.

The jousters groom and prepare their horses for the joust.

Rope says that he likes to win, but doesn’t let it guide him. He states that “winning is where opportunity and preparation meet. So he keeps himself prepared and when opportunity presents itself he ends up wining.” After a short prayer he rides out to the jousting field.

The Joust

Shane describes the elimination joust. The joust will be officiated by four judges. There will be 8 passes. During the first 4 passes the lances will be an 1.25 inches thick. For the last 4 passes the lances will be 1.5 inches thick.

View the scoring rules

Pass 1:
Black Team, Rope: Miss
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 2:
Black Team, Rope: Broken Lance +5
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 3:
Black Team, Rope: Broken Lance +5
Red Team, David: Strike +1

Pass 4:

Black Team, Rope: Miss
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 5:
Black Team, Rope: Miss
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 6:
Black Team, Rope: Miss
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 7:
Black Team, Rope: Broken Lance +5
Red Team, David: Miss

Pass 8:
Black Team, Rope: Broken Lance +5
Red Team, David: Strike +1

Final:
Black Team, Rope: 20
Red Team, David: 2

Rope Meyers wins and moves on to the next round.

I think Shane had the quote of the match during the 5th pass. “Both guys sucked, both guys missed, no points.”

Shane congratulates Rope and David.

David has a good outlook and is now going to focus on the $25,000 prize.

The previews tease us with another jouster leaving next week and two jousts.

What’d you think? Tell us in the comments below.

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